1) I'm not here to impress anyone.
2) All men are pond scum; it just depends on where in the pond they are.
3) In my melon it doesn't work so good.
4) Yeah ... but what else is wrong?
5) That's bitching.
6) We get the blows.
7) Farfalongus of the blow hole.
8) Something ain't jiving.
9) I don't care about the LMNOP if you can't get the ABC.
10) People don't think before they act.
11) IQs are often smaller than belt sizes.
12) You're looking for life threats not hang nails.
13) Hands are the human garbage can.
14) Urban outdoorsmen. (homeless individuals)
15) You're gonna get screwed! You're gonna get screwed!
16) If you ever end up in court chances are that it will be over a drunk.
17) They will sober up in time for the court appearance so that they can sue your ass.
18) If it's predictable, it's preventable.
19) Diarrhea of the mouth.
20) NBIOB - Noisy Breathing Is Obstructed Breathing.
21) The creepy lady, I can't believe that you guys still haven't named her, is staring at you. Beware, she's been known to attack little intimidated EMT students, hahaha. (we had a CREEPY looking manikin laying on our hospital bed, don't know why we had either, considering we never used them)
22) Impending feeling of doom.
23) Pressure sandwich.
24) Treat the patient not the monitor.
25) Great way to lose weight, ha. NO!!!
26) Don't come into the house yelling "AEIOU TIPS"
27) SWAG - Scientific Wield Ass Guess
28) Happy wife = happy life
29) Crossover at the nose.
30) The Lug Not Rule - the vehicle with the most lug nuts wins. Except for trains - they always win.
31) If it leaks plug it.
32) Trauma is easy you just plug the holes that don't belong and open the ones that do. Now true medicals will get you thinking, or scratching your head if you're like him.
33) Threshold Incident - "An incident that is likely to cross the threshold of a lawyer's doorstep."
34) Ok now I'm gonna try to remember what I just said.
35) I'll say it again but it wont be the same as it was before.
36) When uncertain, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
37) Why is this patient out to lunch?
38) The funky chicken.
39) There's an elephant on my chest.
40) To do nothing is to do nothing wrong.
41) You're all unconscious now! Let me make a suggestion for future reference - maybe you shouldn't have stepped into the hole that your patient was digging, cuz ah he kinda hit a live wire and all you idiots got electrocuted too.
42) Everything an EMT does is reversible.
43) This guy's got every disease known to man plus seven.
44) Everyone has everything.
45) One foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel.
46) All bleeding eventually stops, make sure you are able to stop it before than.
47) Nothing humorous about a humerus fracture.
48) Don't turn the fart fan on. (ventilation fan in the bathroom)
49) Don't mess with a singing bird.
50) You can never go wrong with a moment of pause.
51) Who do I care about? First myself, then my partner and last my patient with no variation to the order.
52) Be a responder not an indicator. (HazMat)
53) Ethel methyl bad shit. (HazMat)
54) All I know about MCIs is that patient care is gonna suck.
55) Chris Aaaalways Looks Hot (the order of applying the
56) It's not treatment, it's triage.
57) Paramedics suck at triage cuz we just wanna treat the patient. EMTs or firefighters should do it, better yet let the cops do it they can care less about the patient anyway.
58) Hopefully her head's not gonna fall off, so that should stay on. (placement of triage tags)
59) Better too soon than too late.
60) Better too many than too few.
61)
62) The sheriff gave us all awards for how we (the dispatchers) handled the calls and dispatching during the Painted Cave Fire and all I could think of was how I told a little old lady to "Get the FUCK out of there!!!"
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